Everyone has dreams. Some people have dreams to become a professional sports player, model, or to be successful in our careers. Others have dreams of becoming mothers. This is the story of my journey to once again become a mother of a miracle baby.

I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20. It was a beautiful beginning to what I thought would last forever only to end four years later. We shared many ups and downs as most couples do. We had two beautiful children together, a girl and a boy. With our troubled marriage, I decided that having my tubes tied would be the best thing for me and had the ligation after the birth of my son. My doctor asked me five times before putting me to sleep, "Are you sure you want to do this? You are so young." I now feel that God was giving me a chance to change my mind, but I was too stubborn to listen. Oh, if I had only listened!

Nine months after my second child was born and the tubal ligation, we separated and filed for divorce. The divorce was final in April, 1994. I was now a 25 year old single mother of a two year old and a one year old. Again, I was positive that I had made the right decision with the ligation. I got pregnant with the first two on birth control pills; I definitely did not need any more children. I thought I would be a single mom forever. No one will want to date me when they find out I have two kids. Who would want to marry someone with two children already? No one could possibly want to take on the responsibility of someone else's children. These are some of the thoughts that crossed my mind.

Fast forward, October 1997.....I was blessed by the Lord with a wonderful man who on July 2, 1999 became my loving husband. He had no children so I researched the internet for any information dealing with reversals. I stumbled across several support groups dealing with this situation. I learned that a reversal is possible and children are born after a reversal. I had my tubal reversal surgery on May 10, 1999. In November, 1999, I had an HSG (dye test) to see if the tubes were open. The left was blocked at the opening of the uterus and the right at the fimbrial end. My records were reviewed by two other fertility specialists and both agreed that I was a good candidate for a repeat reversal. My left tube seemed to be too damaged to be repaired. It will be removed to prevent an ectopic pregnancy and the right will be repaired. My laparoscopy and repeat surgery is scheduled for March 7, 2000.

March 11, 2000 - Well, I am very happy to report that I now have both tubes open and healthy. My left tube is 3.5cm and the right is 5.5cm. After the laparoscopy, Dr. Steinkampf was able to save the left tube and repair it as well. I know this is truly a blessing from the Lord and it will not be taken for granted. Now, I'm on the roller coaster of trying to conceive again. Praise Jesus!

June 14, 2000 - I just completed my third cycle since the second surgery and no success. I have an appointment for June 22 and will probably schedule an HSG. If the tubes are open, then I will request a full blood work-up to check my hormone levels and probably a postcoital test also. I know it is going to happen. I have no doubts about it. I haven't come this far for no reason and all my Tubal Reversal sisters help me through the emotional aspects of trying to conceive everyday. I thank God everyday for allowing me to have such wonderful and caring friends.

July 18, 2000 - The HSG showed that the short left tube appeared to be blocked. The longer right tube flowed beautifully. I have an appointment to discuss the results with the doctor on August 18. Hopefully, I will have a + HPT to show him. Keep those prayers coming. They seem to be working. Thanks for all the wonderful emails and messages in the guestbook.

August 18, 2000 - Well, Dr. Steinkampf says he thinks that the left tube is open and just spasmed during the HSG. That is great news to me. I am so relieved to just have one open tube after all that I've been through. No mention of fertility drugs yet. He wants us to have a PCT (postcoital testing) to see if we are compatible. Hopefully this will be done soon.

October 17, 2000 - Today was the dreaded PCT. It wasn't too bad. It's done similar to a pap smear. The preliminary results showed more non-swimmers than swimmers. I will not know the lab results until a later date. I am to have progesterone checked 7 days from today.

October 24, 2000 - I had my blood drawn this morning to check my progesterone level.

November 1, 2000 - Lab results from the PCT came back normal. Thank goodness. I was afraid we were going to have to move on to IUI (intra uterine insemination). My progesterone came back at 9.2. Dr. S said he likes to see it above 10. I am to repeat the progesterone test this cycle. If it is low, then we will talk about clomid. Again, I have to say thanks for the prayers. Keep them coming.

November 22, 2000 - I had my blood drawn for another progesterone check today. Results were much better than last month. Up from 9.2 to 11.9. So I did ovulate this month. I don't have another RE appt. until February. Maybe I will have a positive HPT before then.

February 15, 2001 - Another RE appt. today less than 3 weeks from the one year anniversary of my second reversal. He seems to think that my chances of conceiving will be dropping at this point and I may have some scar tissue built up again. He doesn't think a laparoscopy would increase my chances either so now we move on to another option. IVF (invitro fertilization) So once again I'm asking for your prayers. Thanks to everyone for your encouragement and support.

February 18, 2001 - Well, it looks as if I won't be needing that cycle of IVF just yet. I tested tonight with three different test (ClearPlan Easy, EPT, and Confirm). All three of them are positive. I will call the RE first thing tomorrow morning and schedule the blood work. Please keep praying.

February 19, 2001 - I had my first beta and it was 372. So far it looks good. I go for another beta on the 21st. Thanks for the prayers.

February 21, 2001 - My second beta was 920. It doubled in 36.7 hours.

March 7, 2001 - My first ultrasound was today. We were able to see the sac inside the uterus which is wonderful news. I have a second one scheduled for March 22 to see the heartbeat.

March 22, 2001 - Today we saw and heard the most beautiful heartbeat. Dr. Steinkampf released me to an OB and I see her on April 2. Dr. S said to be sure and send him a pic of the baby.

April 2, 2001 - Today I just had an internal exam and everything seems fine.

April 13, 2001 - Today I went to the bathroom before lunch and I passed some cervical fluid. It was just as if I would be ovulating only it was clear at one end and pink and brown on the other end. I had no idea what was going on so I called my doctor. They asked me to come in for an exam. My doc was out of town so I had to see the nurse practitioner. She did the internal and said the cervix was still high and closed. She said we are still too early to hear the heartbeat with the doppler so we will do an ultrasound. The vaginal ultrasound showed no heartbeat. My baby had died. I should have been 11 wks and 4 days and the baby only measured 8 wks and 4 days. I don't have a clue when it happened. I had to have another doctor to confirm the no heartbeat with another u/s. This doctor told me that a d&c would be necessary to avoid a prolonged miscarriage.

April 16, 2001 - I called my OB to schedule the d&c. She wanted to see me herself before scheduling. I was at her office at 8:45. She spent about 20 minutes with me answering all of my questions. She was very compassionate as was everyone at the doctor's office. We scheduled the d&c for 12pm on April 17.

April 17, 2001 - We had to be at the hospital at 10am for pre-op. I was very nervous and upset at the same time. I didn't cry until the nurse asked me when was my LMP. I told her January 22 and she asked if I was on the depo shot. I had to say no, my baby has died. She hugged me and held me until I regained composure. I then changed into the lovely designer gowns and went back to my bed. I signed a million papers to give them permission to perform this procedure. Then came time for the IV. I hate these things. I have very small veins and it seems they can never locate them. She thought she had deadened the area on my wrist but I still felt tremendous pain as she inserted the needle and then the IV. Next comes the OR nurse that will be taking care of me during my procedure. She gave me Zofran in my IV to help relieve nausea that may come from the anesthesia. I guess the worst part of all of this was the waiting for 12pm to come. My husband stayed right there with me although he was starving. Neither of us had eaten since 8 the night before. Finally the OR was ready for me. One of the nurses had warmed the room. It felt so comfortable. I had really dreaded the coldness that would remind me of death. They strapped me to the table and I asked did they really think I would try to get up and leave. They placed a mask over my face and told me to take deep breaths. I remember taking about 5 deep breaths and I was out. The next thing I remember is asking how it went. I was wide awake in the OR even before moving to recovery. My doctor was still there and said everything went fine. They then moved me to the recovery room and I was the only patient awake. Everyone else was either snoring or just passed out. My blood pressure started out at 95/56. Then it went to 93/60 and kept falling. I felt fine but I was concerned. The nurse said it is sometimes a reaction to the anesthesia. After an hour my blood pressure was 85/42 and they needed another bed in the recovery room. I was moved back to the pre-op area. They wanted me to use the bathroom before I left. Finally I had the urge and then got dressed to go home. I was given some information from Resolve for miscarriage support and released.

I got home around 3pm and then took a two hour nap. My mother-in-law brought over dinner for us which was a big help.

April 18, 2001 - I have had very little spotting and my doctor just called to check on me. I have to see her for a follow-up appt on May 2. She wants me to wait one full cycle before trying again. She reminded me that I would have good days and bad days to follow. She also reminded me to stay strong and we will be pregnant again.

May 10, 2001 - I saw Dr. Steinkampf today as a followup to the d&c on April 17. He told me that normally he doesn't do testing until a woman has had at least three miscarriages. My cirmcumstances were different and after all I had been through to get this far, he gave me the lab orders for Thyroid panel (TSH), Lupus Anticoagulant and Anti-cardiolipin Antibodies. My OB also wanted me to have my progesterone level checked after two cycles.

May 24, 2001 - I got the results of my tests back today. My TSH was 2.78 which is within normal range. I tested negative for the antibodies. This is all great news but we have no way of knowing what caused the baby's heart to stop. Dr. Steinkampf wants to see me back in 6 months if I'm not pregnant again before then.

June 26, 2001 - I had my progesterone checked and the results were 13.9. This means that my body is back to normal after the miscarriage.

September 5, 2001 - I got a call today from one of Dr. Steinkampf's nurses. They are about to begin another IVF study and she wanted to know if I was interested. Of course I said I was interested. My cycle must be between Sept. 22 and Oct. 10 which should not be a problem. I am to call the office on cycle day 1 to schedule the CD3 testing. There is a screening process before the actual procedure begins so I don't know if I will get to participate or not but I am an excellent candidate for this study. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as we wait and see what happens from here.

September 28 - Today I had my IVF consultation and inital labwork done. I had to read 13 pages and sign or initial every single page. The study has been approved but the final jargon of the contract between the pharmaceutical company and the clinic has not been finalized. When it is, I will have to return for completion of labwork, physical examination, and dh (dear husband) will have to do a s/a (semen analysis).

October 1 - The nurse has called and said the paperwork is finalized. We have our appointment Wednesday morning at 10.

October 3 - dh did his thing while I gave 13 tubes of blood to the lab tech. I jokingly told her not to drop them because I didn't know if I had any left. Next I gave a urine sample and had my physical examination. Now we wait for the results. If everything is good then I will have to return to learn how to give myself the injections.

October 17 - Well I had more lab work this morning and everything was great. I was taught how to give myself the injections. I will be taking one injection of Lupron each morning at 7am. I am to call back on CD1 and return for more bloodwork and to get started on the stims.

October 25 - Today is CD1. I called the nurse and I have to be at the office tomorrow before 9 for labwork and u/s. If my lining is less than 7 and E2 level is < or = to 45 I can start the stims.

October 26 - My lining was 7 which is the maximum it can be to start the stims and I had 10 follicles on each ovary. My E2 level however was 59. I have to continue the same amount of Lupron and return on Monday for labwork again.

October 29 - My lining was still 7 but my E2 level went up to 69. This is not good. It is supposed to be going down. Now I have to double the dosage of Lupron and return on Friday. Hopefully I will be suppressed enough to start the stims on Friday. I'm really ready to get on with this cycle.

November 2 - Today is cycle day 9 and day 17 of Lupron. My E2 level was 85 and my lining is still measuring 7. Things do not look good for this cycle.

November 5 - Cycle day 12 and day 20 of Lupron. My E2 level jumped to 167 and my lining now measures 9. With my E2 level not decreasing and my lining now being too thick the cycle is cancelled. However, the ultrasound showed that I have two follicles measuring 13 and 16mm. We still have a chance this month of conceiving on our own.

December 6, 2001 - I had my IVF study exit interview with Dr. Steinkampf today and basically decided not to see him again for six months. I'm tired of all the doctor visits that have consumed my life for the last 2.5 years.

February 14, 2002 - Obviously we didn't conceive on our own in November or I would have updated the site sooner. *lol* I had my annual exam and pap smear today with Dr. Steinkampf. I discussed having another HSG to see if my right tube is still open and he agreed. I will be having the HSG, another PCT (postcoital test) and progesterone check with my next cycle.

February 28, 2002 - I had the HSG today and it confirmed that the left tube is completely blocked. The right tube was slow to spill at first then flowed beautifully. So hopefully it is cleaned out and it won't be long before I will be posting that long awaited + PG test.

April 12, 2002 - As the one year anniversary of losing our only baby together approaches, we have decided to no longer actively try to conceive. If it happens, so be it. The last three years have been extremely stressful for the two of us and we have neglected our marriage. I have decided to focus on the two children that I already have and spend time with them while I can. I recently changed my prayers from asking God to give me a child to asking for His will to take place in my life. I think I am finally getting some answered prayers. We don't always get what we want but we gets what's best for us. I will continue to support and encourage the hundreds if not thousands of women who have kept in contact with me over the last three years.

For those who are reading this in hopes of finding a happy ending................... this is it :o) God bless you all and please keep in touch. I'll continue to pray for all the Reversal sisters around the world.