Our Angel in Heaven
You were just beginning your life inside of me. Your daddy and
I were so happy that we had finally accomplished one of our goals. Your brother and sister were so thrilled. They told everyone
they knew that Mommy was having a baby. Lindsey was ready to give up her room to you. You were so loved by many.
day I found out that you had died was such a shock. I think it shocked everyone else as much as it did me. Even though I had
two u/s to confirm the no heartbeat it still did not seem real. I don't think the reality of your death was until the morning
of the d&c on April 17. I tried to be strong. I tried not to cry. I tried to hide my real emotions. Please know that I
wanted to cry, scream, kick, and ask why.
You see my angel, God had prepared me for your death on April 12. Tracy,
a friend from work, shared a website with me about a lady who had lost her baby at 39 weeks. I sent the link home so I could
read it that night. As I read that site I cried for her loss but she had such Faith in God. I admired her strength to carry
on. The next morning which just happened to be Good Friday and Friday the 13th, I told Barb, an online friend, about the site.
She scolded me for reading it but I told her it could happen to anyone. Boy, was I right. It happened to me later that very
There was no reason for me to ask why. No reason to question God, but my heart still hurt and I cried like
I've never cried before. My baby was gone. I was all alone in the doctor's office because my positive attitude kept telling
me everything was fine. Your daddy was home waiting for me to return. I really don't remember exactly what I told him but
I do remember him asking what had happened. There was no explanation. Your heart simply quit beating. Your daddy held me as
I cried. Your daddy isn't much of a talker so I left him to grieve as I had to make some phone calls.
Many of my friends
were waiting for me to get back online and tell them everything was fine. I called Julie, Barb, Maggie, and Heidi. No one
could believe what I was telling them. They posted messages for me on all the egroups and message boards at ParentsPlace about
the loss. I received hundreds of emails and postings and cried as I read each one. I later printed them all out so I can make
you a memory book. I have so many things that remind me of you I thought it would be nice to put them all in one place.
though you were only with us for 12 weeks, we will love you FOREVER.
I know I will see you again some day and that
is enough to comfort me for now. You have a grandfather in heaven waiting for you. When you see him can you give him a hug
and a kiss from me? I love you both. I'll see you both soon.